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What your Instagram filter says about you

What your Instagram filter says about you

Screenshots of Instagram photos. Photo illustration by ILAF ESUF

For those of us obsessed with Instagram — and even those of us just joining the dark side — filters are as important as oxygen. It’s not good enough to take a National Geographic-worthy picture anymore, because what good is it without the right filter? The worst part is there are too many options, especially for an indecisive person like me. Which one do you go with; a seductive dark X-pro II or a vintage Earlybird, or do you just go simple and pretentious with Valencia? Choices, choices, so many choices. Well, after half a year of experience with this revolutionary app, I feel qualified in making the following assertions:

For those of you obsessed with Amaro, Walden and/or Hudson
You are a ray of sunshine, determined to brighten everyone’s day. You would rather be outdoors than stuffed in a room full of “important people.” Your cotton-candy loving heart matches your wide smile. If you were a TV character you would be Jess Day from “New Girl.”

For those of you obsessed with Rise and/or Sierra
You are still trying to figure out who you are. You aren’t vibrant, but you aren’t antique like Earlybird. You are indecisive and hard to read. You are the type of person I envision staring at a wall or sleeping on the beach not because you have a burning desire to, but just because you can. If you were a TV character you would be Stanley Hudson from “The Office.”

For those of you obsessed with X-Pro II 
You are the classic bad-boy/girl, dark and seductive. You enjoy the mystery behind life and always seek entertainment. You hate sitting around and living in Rocklin. You would much rather have Carpe Diem tattooed on your ankle and go late-night drift racing. If you were a TV character you would be Damon Salvatore from “The Vampire Diaries.”

For those of you obsessed with Lo-fi and Hefe
Much like X-Pro II and Sutro lovers, you are also adventure seekers. However while they seek thrills in danger, you have a slightly less lethal concept of fun. Whether it’s cliff diving or parasailing, you are all for it! You like seeing the world with bright eyes, making blues more blue and greens more green. You bring out the beauty in everything, making them dramatic and for lack of a better word- radical. If you were a TV character you would be Phil Dunphy from “Modern Family.”

For those of you obsessed with Earlybird
You, my dear Instagram lover, were born in the wrong era. Clearly you belonged to the 50s. You are always reminiscing and daydreaming about them good ol’ days. If you could live anywhere in the world it would be a run down, hole in the wall coffee shop best known for its rustic homeliness. Warm nights in a sweater by a fireplace, photo album in hand, you are an oldie but goodie. If you were a TV character you would be Lorelai Gilmore from “Gilmore Girls.”

For those of you obsessed with Sutro
You have a darker, more sinister view of life which makes for a hilarious and villainous commentary. You’re not evil and you’re not depressing but you’re definitely not Amaro and Walden’s best friend. You’d rather have a calm night to yourself instead of going to a rager. If you were a TV character you would be Dr. Gregory House from “House M.D.”

For those of you obsessed with Toaster and 1997
You are nostalgic with a country like twinge. Belonging to the 70s, you guys like to fondly look back on memories but not in the same way as Earlybird. Your pinkish tones make the picture seem sweeter, like a nice apple pie. If you were a TV character you would be Lemon Breeland from “Hart of Dixie.”

For those of you obsessed with Brannan
You are futuristic, constantly thinking about the tomorrow — but in a calm, subtle way. You’re cool suave attitude enhances the photograph quite nicely. If you were a TV character you would be Neal Caffrey from “White Collar.”

For those of you obsessed with Inkwell
Some would call you boring, others would call you professional, I say you’re a classic. With a Chanel like sophistication, you add elegance to any picture. Sure, sometimes things are great in color, but things are ALWAYS nice in black and white. Your attraction to monochrome may not get you the most likes, but it does make you seem like your Instagram pictures could be hanging up on a wall somewhere. Based on your affinity for the classics, if you were a TV character you would be Harvey Specter from “Suits.”

For those of you obsessed with Valencia
You pretentious, proud little photographer. You like to confuse the viewers, making them wonder whether you did in fact use a filter or not. Your subtle enhancements do wonders for your photography and you take pride in your skills to capture the moment. You don’t need a loud filter to stand strong in the Instagram world. Your confidence exudes through the screen and impresses many. If you were a TV character you would be Emily Thorne from “Revenge.”

For those of you obsessed with Nashville
You’re just a darker version of Walden. Not much to say here.

For those of you obsessed with Kevin
You clearly have no concept of colors and the importance of simplicity. You’re the type of person who wears mismatched knee high fuzzy socks with a polka dotted beanie. You are most likely color blind and are unfortunately the underdog in the Instagram world. Your pictures may be nice, but they will get no likes. If you were a TV character you would be Andy Dwyer from “Parks and Recreation.”

For those of you obsessed with Normal and/or #nofilter
…Go back to Facebook. You don’t belong here. #sorrynotsorry

by ILAF ESUF

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